It bothers me that men can sleep with as many people as they want and still be thought of as decent. When a girl does it, she instantly labeled a ‘ho.
So I like to fuck. So I like to fuck around. So I like to fuck around with people who are around me. Is that so bad?
So I’m in a relationship. So I’m a cheater. Ah. When placed in that context, I feel a bit bad. But then, my brother gets to do it, why can’t I?
Hell, I’m young. Shouldn’t I be free to do things? To try new people?
Try something new.
Guys say that line all the time, don’t they? Something new, like the present is something irrelevant and useless.
But that’s not how I see it. I love my current. When I kiss him, my heart does a little skip of joy. When I have my arms around him, I just want to melt. When we’re in bed, I never want it to end. Have you ever felt like light is coming off you when a person so much as holds your hand? It’s glorious.
Yet I continue on this wicked road. I have tried to explain my behavior to several people. I have tried to explain it to myself. And here I am trying to explain it to you. And I can just see how disappointed you are. How much you want to smack my face until some sense is shocked into me. And how much I’m failing.
I would like to think I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. But I can’t. Cause I need to justify myself to myself. I am as bewildered as you are.
Maybe because although it’s great, the sex with the beau is not as mindblowing as it used to be. That is such a lame excuse, reason, whichever. Ain’t it.
And I am a selfish ‘ho.
Maybe because I crave attention?
Maybe because I need to feel loved by many?
Maybe because I just like to fuck? That seems really to be the case.
I knew it. Once I slip, all goes with it.
And there I was, being all perfect and monogamous.
