Thirty days into the new year and has a lot changed already? Let’s evaluate the almost past month, why don’t we.
I’m going to start doing this from now on. Wrapping up my month in five items.
1. I have moved some of my thoughts to livejournal. I find WordPress frustrating lately. It has been slow, even with my T1 or T3 (not sure) connection here at the office. I’m also annoyed about the security certificate issue eveytime I’m on the dashboard page. Is anyone else experiencing the same things?
The thing is, I really like how WordPress works. I hate to have to leave it. I like that there are basically no ads on top of my page. I like how I can manage my links list simply. I like the choices of layouts.
There are some great things in Livejournal too. I like the communities. You can search for your interests and find pages and pages worth on it. I’ve joined five communities so far, street fashion, sex tip, foreign cinema, finding things and a gossip girl (chuck and blair). It’s all been interesting.
However, I’m having a hard time navigating eljay. I can’t figure out how to see my list of communities without seeing the latest posts. I just want to see a list of links so I can check out each one. I also don’t like the big stupid ad on top of the page. I realize the sites have to earn money but putting it on top like that? Geez. It almost makes me want to pay for the ad-free site. ALMOST. No way am I paying for something I don’t use that often. It’s just not practical.
2. I have started to get really into food. I’ve been reading a lot of food blogs lately. Recipe, cooking, restaurant review blogs, i’m eating all that up right now. I’ve been printing recipes to try out at home as well. I’ve checked out Heny Sison’s school and am considering taking up a short course over the weekend once my money situation is a bit better.
It is still a hit and miss with the red sauce pasta but I have definitely improved my cooking. I haven’t tried anything big though. Just regular home cooking fare. I’m still building my confidence and finding the time to cook. I have high hopes in the upcoming months.
I’m starting to believe this will be a new hobby for the year.
CB and I have been bringing packed lunches to the office lately. It is part of our effort to spend less. Also, the fact that the food at the cafeteria is just shite adds a big factor. So my learning how to cook has helped us out a lot.
3. I have been getting a lot of sleep lately. I’m back on the night shift. Contrary to my previous experience, I have been getting almost consistently eight-hour sleeps. I nod off around 9am and wake up around 9 or 10pm. I’ve been keeping this pattern in the weekends too. On sunday and monday mornings, I’m usually up by 5am.
As a result of being back to tremendously lethargic existence, CB and I haven’t been going out as much lately. Sometimes, I’d lay awake at 3am and wonder what the fuck to do. I have no internet at home so I usually end up watching a movie or some shows on dvd. There are moments though that I am imspired to jog. However, living in the metro, I have serious reservations with jogging at four in the morning on my own.
4. I have been working on getting better. I have been intense for the past couple of months, always on the edge. I don’t know if I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel yet but it has gotten really low. I realize I’m turning 25 this year and I really have to deal with this. I can’t function like this anymore. I have to get my life on track.
There are little pockets of happiness in between, like these last couple of days. It has been peaceful, loving, warm and perfect. These moments are what I treasure most for this month.
I try not to overthink things anymore, as that usually results to disaster. I hate that I craddle everythings carefully as I feel that something might go horridly wrong any time, destroying my balance.
5. I have read four books this month. My, that’s a big number. For someone who reads blogs all the time, reading four books is commendable. Granted, half of that were audiobooks but I believe that still counts.
I have told myself that I should go back into reading. I miss the days when I would hole up in my room reading a book for two days nonstop. I would be in a suspended life, my world revolving around the characters and the story only.
One of the books I read is Eat, Pray, Love. It’s the memoirs of a woman who just got divorced and lived in Italy, India and Indonesia for a whole year. She spent four months in each county satisfying her needs for pleasure and spirituality, then achieving a balance of both. This book, I felt, might help me in dealing with the pain and the hopelessness I have been feeling even before my mom’s death. Her passing magnified everything to an even grater scale. And I have to deal with that.
The book did help. It opened me up to possibilities. I saw that healing is possible. It took time but it was possible. I just have to take a step towards it.
Now, I’m looking for more books of the same.
So far, that’s it. I have decided at the start of the year to rebuild my life. This year, I want to find peace. I want to be able to enjoy what I have and not dwell on what I have lost. I feel like last year, I let myself waste away. I ‘m sure my mom would be very sad if she saw me like this.
