Here’s hoping this is where we’ll be headed for the summer.
heaven in a picture
Can’t you just imagine
Your toes on that sand?
Your body in that water?
Your life in paradise?
*image from http://rycerocks.multiply.com
Archive for February, 2009
cause turning to you is like falling in love when you’re ten
People need only to look and they’d see that we are perfect for each other.
Even from behind, it's obvious that we belong together.
Even within a crowd of happy drinkers, the two of us are always the happiest.
Really, it’s a no brainer.
This is the unbelievable bliss.
The only thing we’re missing are these:
And it's only a matter of time until we have them.
the highlight of my day…
… is always five in the morning as this is when he comes in to join me at work.
Things are just better when he is around.
excited
I have just finished reading 20 or so pages of a thread where 3 people are in the Master Cleanse program for 40 days. 40 effin days! Wow. I am so proud of them. although I don’t know them personally, I commend their patience and discipline for doing it that long.
I wish I can stand the program as long as they have. Initially, I want to do it just for 30 days. However, their achievement made me wish that I could do the same. So I am contemplating on the 40 days as well. Here’s hoping.
I just realized that my fasting would coincide with my friend’s wedding. It’s happening on the 28th of March. Damn! That will perhaps be the greatest test of my will then. Friends and food is always my downfall.
I always consume more when dining with friends. Eating is really a social activity for me. Food and conversation just goes hand in hand. That is what I will be struggling with when I start the program.
However, I am firm that I need to change my lifestyle and lose weight. I am considering on lifting weights after the program so that I can then tone down. This would obviously help me maintain whatever weight I do lose and even facilitate more weightloss since lifting weights is a fast and more effective fat burner than any other exercise.
I am excited.
This new goal is something to look forward to. I can’t wait to fit into my old clothes again.
I just need the will and patience to do the program properly.
the march challenge
Back in 2005, I weighed about 110 lbs I believe. I’m not sure as I only checked a couple of times that year. Both for medical tests for work. But regardless, I remember the weight being the lightest I have ever been in my adult life. I was 20 back then. At 5′5 and a half inches, I was pretty thin. My friends and family members all had their concerns about how waif I was. I didn’t mind though, I’ve always liked being thin.
august 2005
That year, I was having some problems. I was pretty depressed, which resulted to more sleeping and barely eating. Hence, the weightloss.
Afterwards though, I started gaining weight more and more. Now, at 2009, I am the fattest I have ever been. I believe about 140 lbs. This is a big WTF moment for me.
I attribute this to tons of alcohol consumed since 2007. I have been drinking almost regularly since then and combine that with a lack of physical activities, you get a couch monster. As a result, I went from a small to a large. (Maybe going on to extra large now, I sadly think).
Although this weight gain has resulted to interesting things, boobies and bootay, I am over it. I need to lose the weight.
So now, I am preparing myself to start the Master Cleanse as soon as the stuff in my fridge is consumed. I would hate to waste that much food. So I’m hoping that by the end of February, I can go on with the program.
The Master Cleanse consists of consuming only 6-12 glasses of a special lemonade drink throughout the day. I have to drink a laxative tea before going to bed and then take a salt + water concoction first thing in the morning to help expel all the stuff in my system. The program should be done for at least 10 days. Others could do it for more than 40 days. I plan to do it for a month. I am hoping I will not only lose weight but also improve my eating habit. ccording to what I’ve read, the Master Cleanse will help lessen food cravings.
I’m going to blog about my daily experience with the Master Cleanse program once I commence. I am excited and terrified. As I mentioned in a previous post, my interest in cooking is now peaking. Going on this diet and reading about food is really not the smartest thing but I am hoping I can channel this hard-on for cooking to a specific area, how to eat healthy. This would hopefully prevent me from falling into the old habits.
positive thoughts
Tasting you and rain I walk down to the train, trying not to look down. This day could someday be an anniversary. Everything is light and sound. Facing forwards, going slowly, wait for you to show me where this train wants to go. Living by the hour, I stopped for every flower. Everything is soft and slow.
Now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you. Like they handed me my life, for the first time it felt right.
Thank you for making me see there’s a life in me. It was dying to get out. Holding you, we make two spoons beneath an april moon. Everything is soft and sweet. This cigarette it could seduce a nation with its smoke. Crawling down my tired throat, scratches part of me that’s purring. Softly stirring.
I’m a captain of industry smoking famously. Feet up on the windowsill, looking at all these trees I feel affinity with. Everything so soft and still, budding at my fingertips. Touching you I start to bloom, alive with trains and passing ships. Soft and sweet along your lips now, I go “oh wow”.
Thank you for taking me from my monastery. I was dying to get out. With tears of gratitude, I like my latitude, cross town train to you.
Now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you. Like they handed me my life or the first time it felt worth it, like I deserved it.
Sweet Avenue, Damien Rice
happiness caught in the moment
glutton for punishment
Checking out things when I know full well that I’ll be hurt by them.
Why do I like driving a knife to myself so much. Then twisting it to for more glorious pain cause apparently, just regular stabbing is not enough for me. I have to have loads and loads of it.
WTF is wrong with me.
what am i turning into
An insecure needy monster.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
This is not me.
I used to be full of confidence.
I felt like I could conquer the world.
This weight gain has impacted me immensely.
I feel like I can’t compete anymore.
I feel ugly.
I need to stop obsessing about the mother of his child.
He loves me.
He’s with me.
He thinks I’m beautiful.
He wants us to last forever.
I don’t know where all these insecurities are coming from.
I need to stop feeling guilty about the choices I have made.
I need to stand up for them.
I need to be stronger.
Be as strong as I was, before this new version took over.
weekend surprises
I was back home in the land of buko pies for the weekend primarily because it’s my sisters’ prom this Saturday and next Friday. How time flies! It seems like it was only yesterday when it was me hunting for the prom dress, worrying about the hair and make up and wondering if my crush would dance with me.
My youngest sister, who is turning 15 this year, told me that at the still confused age of 25, I am old. I gasped and berrated her on how I am so not old. I still feel self-obsessed and reckless, just like a nineteen year old. No big change there. Tee hee.
However, she did win that argument as I mentioned just prior that one of my dearest friends is getting married. The first one in our little group in fact.
Vina has been dating Papa Ji (as we call him) for six years now. It was something we have all been expecting sooner or later. Surprisingly though, it was sooner. She told me just the past week that she’s getting hitched next month! Can you say faster than a speeding bullet?
It is all a bit surreal. We were just measured by the designer as I am to be one of the bridesmaids. How cool is that! I’ve never been a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding.
As a proper bridesmaid, I promised to help her with thinking up some inexpensive alternatives to the details of the wedding. She would need all the help that she can get since the big day is less than two months away and they have yet to decide on a venue!
Oh my.
So I’m now reading and racking up my brain on venues around our hometown that I can suggest.
I’m excited!
it’s just too easy now
do you like making out and long drives and brown eyes and guys that just don’t quite fit in?
As is quite obvious, I adore Dashboard Confessional. So I am ecstatic to find that Chris is on twitter. It seem’s that he’s updating quite at least everyday too. Swoooon.
